I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
