atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
