is your mom at the bar?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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