they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's blow job season.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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