ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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