Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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