I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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