Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
FUCK WHALES
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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