dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
