People with herpes should wear stickers.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
