I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
