tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did i walk over a car last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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