We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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