More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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