I wish I could teleport
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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