Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
