dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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