So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm too high and old for this...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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