I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
