Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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