Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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