So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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