Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
