Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
