you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
