Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
