Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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