Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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