So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
