got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what day is it and did you see me today?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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