i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
