chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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