He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
