evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.