So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.