I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.