I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.