WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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