i think my tv is drunk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.