your room smells of hookers.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can you repeat that, but with context?