We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.