he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.