If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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