Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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