I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
