honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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