I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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