In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
