i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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