all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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