My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what day is it and did you see me today?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
