just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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