Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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