My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
