I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
