Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
