i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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