Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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