mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize