Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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