Apparently you make a good broom.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
