How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
