I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
