So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
