Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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