I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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