Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
