I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
