please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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