I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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