I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
