Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just pee around me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
