jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
