I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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