This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
