also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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