it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
