get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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